28 Comments
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JARMAGIC | SHORT STORIES's avatar

Im intrigued by this from start to finish. I feel like I need to know more. Please, author, reach out to me. I need you to explain this to me! 💛

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Hassania's avatar

First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH 🥹. And second, of course, of course, tell me what intrigues you and I’ll do my best to answer

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JARMAGIC | SHORT STORIES's avatar

Whats behind the clementines? Why is he being made to eat so many? Is this metaphoric? Is there a deeper meaning?

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Layne Mercer's avatar

A beautiful tale well told! I love when a whole world can be captured in just a few hundred words. Do I detect a little nod to Proust? 🍊

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Hassania's avatar

You do, Layne! Madeleines turned into clementines! 😁 It wasn’t my original intention but I though it fit perfectly. Thank you so much for your words.

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Justin'sSpeculativeFiction's avatar

Love this story. Has a fairytale feeling to it. The ending is what got me

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Hassania's avatar

Wow! I love magical realism so I’m happy I was able to bring a bit of that here. Thank you so much for your words, Justin!!!

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Chaz's avatar

I love Ma Aiche's meditation on "house" and how the strength of words in that part. This has the mystery and intrigued of a fairy tale and I'm enjoying figuring it out❤️

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Chaz's avatar

Aïcha* this phone does not play ball 😩

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Hassania's avatar

Haha! oops 🫢

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Hassania's avatar

Thank you, Chaz 🥹 You’re not the first one to mention its fairy tale aspect, actually, and it’s so intriguing to hear because that wasn’t intentional at first, but it’s an interesting twist!

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Glenn Brigaldino's avatar

Glad the comemtns were aprpeciated Hassania. If of interest, if you become a Briggi Stories subscriber you can request an occasional story jump-start paragraph, based on an idea or intro sentence of yours. In any case, keep honing the skills !!

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Hassania's avatar

I’m happy to become a Briggi Stories subscriber! I really enjoyed your Yellow Pallet Truck story on Liam.👏🏼

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Annette Gates's avatar

Loved this!! Your descriptions are so vivid, I felt so immersed in the world of this story, despite the short length! Great work!

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Hassania's avatar

Thank you, Annette. I can’t believe a little something I wrote on my laptop made you feel this way. It means the world to me 🥹

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ARC's avatar

The metaphor of the breast extending further and its connection to the pre clementine breast feeding was amazing. I also love the beats about the grocer and the courier word with the mother, so unique and interesting. I didn't get the end. I kinda get it it but not really. Maybe it's meant to be abstract and leave you with questions. Regardless I find it dope that it feels like you are doing a bunch of different type of stories. Still some similarities in prose style but subject and themes and world have been quite different.

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Hassania's avatar

Hey Andrew! Appreciate it, man!! 😁 Too bad the ending didn’t do it for you this time. I scratched my head for a while on this one, didn’t want it to feel too abrupt. The hint is the part on Amine eating clementines everywhere. And yes, I feel like I’ve been exploring a lot lately and I’m thinking maybe I should strive for something more coherent in terms of worlds and themes, idk what you think.

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Glenn Brigaldino's avatar

Indeed an iterating read, just hope having 10 kids is fictional, in the story, it should be hinted at where the father (s) is (are) - making more babies or also eating clementines, maybe both ??

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Hassania's avatar

Hello! Thank you so much for giving me an opportunity to improve my craft, Glenn. For context: Here, I intended the father’s absence to symbolize his palpable absence. As the breasts extend, the kids keep appearing, suggesting he must be present somewhere. Yet he remains absent everywhere else (when it comes to buying food here). I appreciate your comment, and in hindsight, it would’ve maybe been interesting to add a sentence or two about him!

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Orin Might's avatar

Beautiful

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Hassania's avatar

Thanks Orin! Means a lot coming from you

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Sarah Holliday's avatar

Gorgeous! I feel like I can taste and smell and see all of these characters and the worlds they inhabit.

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Hassania's avatar

This means the world. I always try my best to make the characters as authentic as possible

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ARC's avatar

Just saved it. Reading tomorrow morning!

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Hassania's avatar

Thank you for your constant support, Andrew!

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muhleekuhh's avatar

I love how you're able to build this story's world and its characters in so few paragraphs <3

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Hassania's avatar

You’re too cute😭💗 Thank you so much!

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Nov 23
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Hassania's avatar

YOU are absolutely gorgeous. A thousand thanks for taking the time to read!

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